My most vivid memory of church took place when I was a child. I sat in the pew, my small body wedged uncomfortably between my parents, trying my best not to fidget warranting an irate glare from my mother. I remember what Father John was saying very well because it was a topic I had great interest in. It went something like this:
“During spring, the days get longer and longer until midsummer when you hit the longest day of the year, and then gradually they get shorter and shorter until night falls at its earliest hour.”
That’s it. I can’t even recall the point he was trying to make with that little fact, all I remember is that he said it and that’s when I learned how daylight savings worked. To this day I still feel that gradual shortening of sunlight every day as winter draws closer. It holds a heavy weight on me as I find S.A.D. to be a very real and unpleasant condition. But, when the shortest day finally comes I feel elated because I know long, orange tinted evenings are just on the horizon.
So I suppose church did have a profound effect on me.
This is the prologue to the story of my journey going from Catholic, to Atheist, to Agnostic, to Secular Humanist, and from there, who knows.
“Augh,” you might be saying, “Your pretentiousness is practically oozing out of my monitor.” I suppose there really is no way to convince you I’m not an arrogant asshole because these days even a great show of humility is, in fact, yet another way to be pretentious. Perhaps I’m so pretentious that my perceived shortcomings are just a subconscious effort to prove to myself and everyone else how great I am because I think I’m so terrible. There’s no way to know. In any case I’ll allow you to judge for yourself and if you find my story too self-righteous, either send me numerous emails complaining about it or just stop reading.
The truth of it is all I want to do is write. I have no other purpose in sharing this than that. To those of you who have reevaluated your religious or “spiritual” life once or numerous times many of these experiences and feelings will probably sound familiar to you. Maybe you’ll find comfort in that, or maybe you’ll feel cheated because I stole your whole backstory. In either case, thanks for reading.